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Treyjikistan
}} Treyjikistan (\ˈtrāˈgik ɪʃ stæn\) is a war-like nation surrounded on all sides by water (thus making it an island, or a waterpark or something) 30 miles from the nearest large land mass. It is ruled by a confusing and tyrannical leader named Treygreen13. Treyjikistan is an indirect democracy founded on the principals of opinion polling to make policy. It is a member of the Farkistan Alliance. Treyjikistan has a constantly embattled lead industry, and a very popular gem industry. Other exports of Treyjikistan are bees, kittens, salad, death, coffee, dry-erase markers, bingo markers, 1st down markers, trophies, sloths, tennis balls, and greeting cards. The History of Treyjikistan Treyjikistan was formed in November 2007 when Treygreen13 wandered into a land auction thinking it was a lecture on how to huff canned air. He inadvertently purchased a country when he raised his hand to ask when the discussion would turn to huffing. Initially, the space that would become Treyjikistan was populated mostly by kelp and fish, however the actual land area was increased infinity% when an underwater volcano erupted, conveniently creating an island with 100 square miles of land. Students of tectonics and doctors of Robertography are baffled by this sudden eruption, stating that the underwater volcano had not previously been on the map, and must have been created by another underwater volcano's eruption. Luckily for Treygreen13 this second surprise volcano was capable of generating a land mass that was pre-zoned for industrial production, including several parking lots lined with seashells. The Early Days Initially, Treyjikistan was discouraged by Tau ri from exporting lead due to it's low market value, however the citizens of the fledgling nation barely voted in favor of Initiative 82207.2, effectively preventing the lead industry from being dismantled in favor of more popular materials. The decision to go ahead with Initiative 82207.2 would turn out to be a critical moment in national growth. To subsidize the lost income of producing an unpopular resource, the tiny nation developed an image-editing service cottage industry in case the market for dry-erase markers or kittens were to dry up. The citizens of Treyjikistan also voted on the production of fine gems, but the vote was not nearly as close. Women voted in favor of the proposal nearly 100 to 1. Men were told to vote for it or they would be sleeping on couches for all eternity. Treyjikistan was invited to join the alliance of Farkistan after the creation of the island interrupted an alliance-wide deep sea fishing trip. The alliance leaders were initially upset about the sudden lack of ocean but found that it was much easier to just pick the fish up as they flopped on the ground. For this service they happily extended an invitation to join the alliance, celebrating the membership with a killer fish fry. Treyjikistan was only involved in one small war in its infancy; a battle with the now defunct Kriegland. The conflict ended in the destruction of Kriegland, which was sold off to the highest bidder, who kept the name and reformed the nation. It is uncertain as to why the two nations went to war, but since Kriegland no longer exists Treyjikistani textbooks claim that Kriegland was the aggressor and they all were total idiots and smelled bad. The Illuminati War Treyjikistan's first named alliance conflict was the Illuminati War, in which the military of Treyjikistan was assigned to the FSS Vigoda, and then fought and collected its first combat medals while reducing the targeted nation to rubble, and then the rubble was reduced to slightly smaller rubble, and then reduced to a light powder. Then, Treyjikistani scientists split the atoms of the dust of part of the powder, and then used the energy produced to rocket the remaining powder into space, where it was was promptly exploded, and everyone involved was shot. The critics who originally opposed the production of lead were briefly quieted during this war, due to the convenience of producing lead to be shot at Illuminati targets, rather than shipping it in from an outside source. These critics quickly switched to complaining about the whole "space dust/rubble" situation, which they said was "An unnecessarily hilarious waste of taxpayer money". Since Treyjikistan is run exclusively by public polls, the military attempted to build a spaceship to go collect the now infinitesimally small space-dust-rubble to give it a proper something or other, but the project was canceled when public opinion swayed towards a transition from black and white to color television. In a brief ceremony, a priest gave the moving "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, dust to atoms, atoms to energy, energy to dust, dust to space," speech. The War of the Coalition and The Great Destroyer of Treyjikistan Peace and prosperity would not last long for Treyjikistan, however. When the War of the Coalition came to Planet Bob, the military of Treyjikistan once again answered the call to war, and engaged multiple New Polar Order targets in the first round, sending them into anarchy with its partners in the FSS Vigoda Fireteam Redundancy Team. Treygreen13 named the team after something really funny he read one time, or at least that was how he remembered it went, he wasn't very good at remembering jokes. When the second round of wars came around, Treyjikistan was assigned to the (now defunct) nation of Necrosis, which was unfortunately still very nuclear and very capable of putting those weapons to good use against Treyjikistan's not-yet nuclear equipped military. Treyjikistan suffered 2 nuclear strikes on its soil with no chance to retaliate. After taunting Necrosis to attack it (by sending its ruler, Kalus Soljer, a poorly photoshopped image of a preposterous nuclear weapons site) instead of its battle buddy WickedJ, Treyjikistan received 3 more consecutive nuclear strikes. This allowed WickedJ to focus his forces on a new NpO target, which was awesome for everyone but Treyjikistan. While the damage was severe (over 400 million dollars worth of infrastructure and technology) Necrosis received much more damage. Its capitol (and capital) was reduced to a smoldering crater by a constant barrage of cruise missiles. This was made possible by a new production method engineered in Treyjikistan that placed a launcher at the end of the cruise missile assembly line, creating a frighteningly efficient and inaccurate stream of fiery death. In addition, Treygreen13 cleverly ordered the radioactive rubble of Treyjikistan to be shipped by freight to Kalus Soljer's palace disguised as a shipment of "Critical Nougat" where it took up several parking spaces and inconvenienced the secretaries significantly. Necrosis eventually declared that they were no longer willing to fight, and dissolved shortly thereafter, only to reform later in a new location under the RIA banner with NEW MANAGEMENT, which hasn't fooled anybody. The Aftermath Due to the severe damage sustained by nuclear attacks, Treyjikistan was one of the nations given reparations of technology from NpO, but the infrastructure damage remained. Briefly, the motto of Treyjikistan was changed to "Now with 9% less Jikistan" to account for the damage. When the NpO trucks backed up and dropped off tens of thousands of Commodore 64 units and a smattering of Game Boys, the citizens of Treyjikistan cheered and piled them up in a giant pyramid in the middle of the nation. The pile grows and shrinks as people upgrade to Blu-Ray players and dump their old DVD players onto the pile. Then the older Treyjikistanis pick up the DVD players and throw out their VCRs, which are then picked up by VCR repair shops and used for parts to repair small devices. These small devices are then thrown back onto the pile, where they are then salvaged and turned into flat-screen TVs, which are used to replace older televisions, which are added to the pile and them immediately salvaged to make Blu-Ray players. For valor on the field of combat, Farkistan bestowed the Ackbar Cross ribbon on the war-torn nation. It remains one of two nations in Farkistan to have ever received that ribbon, and is currently being used as a flag that flies on top of the pile of donated obsolete technology. The FSS Vigoda sustained a great number of nuclear strikes from various NpO targets, but kept on fighting and thus earned the nickname "The Vigloda". The team is still called Fireteam Redundancy Team, because I mean, why rename it, right? It's not like there was anything wrong with that name, right? I mean, come on. Seriously. The Karma War, Like A Boss The popular short Cybernations film "Like A Boss" was created in Treyjikistan. It was critically acclaimed as one of the best pieces of propaganda in the Karma War, predicting the downfall of the New Pacific Order thousands of seconds before wars were declared. Initially, Treyjikistan's identity was withheld from the public in fear of retaliation, however it was leaked via an announcement by Trashcat here as a part of the publication Trashcat's Corner. Week 1 Hostilities commenced with 3 IRON nations during the Great Farkistani Counter-Offensive. Farkistan attacked IRON in defense of Ragnarok while the IRON Generals were giving a moving speech about the coming battle, marking one of the more tactically inspired moves of the entire Karma Conflict. Treyjikistan's first target of the week was Islandiae, a small island nation that was considerably smaller than Treyjikistan. The amphibious invasion began April 23, and the invading forces met very little resistance. A strike force captured Islandiae's cruise missile platforms the next day, and only two cruise missiles were fired at Treyjikistan for the duration of the conflict. Treyjikstan's second target of the week was Barrin2, a small land-locked country ruled by a despot named "despot". Treygreen13 felt badly for despot's fate, remarking, "Naming your child despot basically ensures that he become either a tyrannical leader, or some sort of artist." The forces of Barrin2 never formed a successful attack. Treyjikistan's third target of the week was the kingdom of bob, a land mass slightly larger and more advanced than Treyjikistan ruled by RAND0M HER0. This nation was a bit more prepared than the previous two, and accounted for 90% of the (relatively small) damage sustained by Treyjikistan in the first week. In addition, it was the first nation to fire a nuclear weapon at Treyjikistan during the first week's battles, but it was shot down by the national Strategic Defense Initiative on its very first try. There was much rejoicing. Treyjikistan's first offensive nuclear strikes were launched on April 25 against two of these targets. When asked about the moral repercussions of using nuclear weapons to end human life, Treygreen13 said, "I know, it's pretty awesome." A total of 12 nuclear weapons were fired at enemy nations in week 1. 8 hit successfully, 4 failed because of enemy Strategic Defense Initiatives. Week 1 of attacks concluded without a state of Anarchy in Treyjikistan, which was strange, because the government of Treyjikistan is mere moments from anarchy even during peace. Military experts believe that the reason for the week 1 success was "because the other nations just sat there and took it, which is a bad strategy in almost every situation." After some number crunching by Treyjikistani scientists, they announced that the total value of offensive military destruction (damage delivered minus damage received) was a staggering $2,231,928,974.95 . Week 2 Week 2 began with two more war declarations, this time on targets that were more capable of returning fire. This would not be a week of pummeling the weak into submission... no. This would be a war. The first declaration of the week was against the nation of Wutopia, who was far more interested in fighting than previous combatants. In fact, a strange friendship formed between Treygreen13 and wumasterx, and they sent little notes back and forth by taping hand-written letters on scraps of paper to cruise missiles before launching them at each other's palaces. Every troop movement was met with a counter movement. When Wutopia sent a raiding party, Treyjikstan responded. When a cruise missile was launched, the other side was sure to follow. When Treyjikistan put its left flank in, Wutopia put it's left flank out, and then shook it all about. This was what war was all about. After 7 days of war, Treyjikistan had launched 4 nukes at Wutopia, which were all successful in spite of Wutopia's SDI... a remarkable run of bad luck that turned a fairly even war into a more lopsided affair as the week went on. Of all opponents during the Karma War, Wutopia was the most challenging. The second declaration of the week was against the nation of READ LINT ISLE. When initially handed the order, Treygreen13 said, "Wait, do what? How do I read lint? I thought we were at war, and... what is this, I don't even..." before trailing off and going back to drinking his frozen margarita. He eventually ordered his troops to use the satellite scans to find wherever READ LINT ISLE was and bomb it to hell. Early intelligence showed that the citizens of READ LINT ISLE hadn't paid their taxes in 18 days, and were dangerously close to saying "To hell with this" and packing up to move to Francograd, or wherever it is that people who complain about not paying taxes go. Soon after the cruise missiles started to land around READ LINT ISLE, however, the tax men scurried out to knock on the boarded up doors and collect the taxes from the citizens who were still alive. After a couple of days of fighting, READ LINT ISLE's military forces stopped showing up to work, and Treygreen13 got bored and left most of the combat to MHA forces. Treyjikistan was attacked by the nation of verwontage shortly after hostilities commenced during week 2. Verwontage was a much larger nation... so much larger, in fact, that a small section of the skyline was removed in order to better target a small island nation. Originally, the troops of verwontage were merciless, invading deep into Hoang Kong and killing civilians. However, this foreign invasion would not last. Chill(of the Gramlins), BigJeff and Fireguy(of IPA) soon came to the defense of Treyjikistan, sending forces in to flank and break the invasion. Once again, after a couple of days of fighting, verwontage forces lost their nerve to fight and stopped attacking, costing the nation of verwontage dearly. At the end of the week, verwontage had suffered the most total damage of all targets. At the end of Week 2, Treyjikistani forces took a short breather to go to the beach and splash around for a while. Treygreen13 doesn't like the beach that much, but he went anyway and built a nifty sandcastle, which went to war with a neighboring sandcastle that was built by a small child. The war was intense, but short lived. Treygreen13's sandcastle-building ability was greater than that of the small child, but the playing field was leveled by a wave that destroyed both sandcastles late in the day. The war concluded, at least for Treyjikistan, at the end of week 2. There were no more available targets after IRON nations were heavily damaged, so the Army, Navy, and Air Force of Treyjikistan held a large flag football game for the survivors until hostilities ceased. The BiPolar War The BiPolar war, also known as the Short Bus War or the TOP-C&G War was another chance for Treyjikistan to test its lead exporting potential. Farkistan declared war on the New Sith Order and expected a strong counter-attack from the nations of IRON to exact revenge for the epic counter-blitz of the Karma War. Several bunkers were built, including a nifty (yet controversial) Fallout Shelter System. Additionally, the engineering corps of Treyjikistan built a dozen new mass graves and a tomb to be dedicated to the 1,000,000th soldier killed in action. At night, the brave forces of the island nation waited in their bunkers, playing Skip-Bo and drawing pictures of squids and lemurs, in addition to munching on Treyjikistani Young Ladies Liberation Front Cookies. However, after several days of drawing and munching without incident, the national supply of Thin Mints was dangerously low. Treygreen13 began to grow impatient at the lack of death and destruction in his little nation... so much so that his usual process of grilling and drinking beer no longer satiated his desire to enter the war. The IRON counter-blitz had never occurred, and it was not going to. The Defense Initiative Controllers Kongregation was particularly upset by the lack of action, and were further agitated by a perceived breach of contract. The worker's union for the nation's SDI had a contract guaranteeing that in a time of war, they would be given a ration of Samoas, a cookie with caramel, chocolate, and toasted coconut. However, since the signing of the contract, the Treyjikistani Young Ladies Liberation Front organization changed the name of the cookies to avoid offending actual Samoans by referring to the entire race as some sort of half-breed covered in toasted coconut. The organization, however, were not happy to receive their boxes of Toasted deLites and demanded that they be given their original Samoas or else they would go on strike. In spite of several explanations that Toasted deLites were, in fact, Samoas and not some other cookie, the DICK congregation banded together and refused to operate until the contract was entirely re-written (with a significant raise) or Samoas were put back into production. Week 1 In the middle of negotiations with the kongregation, war broke out between Treyjikistan and the nation of Opardum. Opardum was a nation of the Boards Alliance of Protectorate States which the military command of Farkistan thought was in desperate need of an ass-kicking, and war was declared shortly after midnight on the 27th. While the leader of Opardum was friendly, the battle was nothing spectacular. Opardum forces were soundly defeated in every ground and air encounter. The Treyjikistani navy had its first real naval opponent to deal with, and fought to a decisive and resounding draw in the first three naval engagements... which would turn out to be the only engagements of the brief conflict when BAPS and the smattering of small alliances that engaged Farkistani forces were let off with white peace. After the brief 3 day engagement, peace was declared with amicable messages all around. The final damages, however, were not friendly to the nation of Opardum, but the enemy nation was able to recover rather quickly thanks to the short length of the war. The short war also benefited the nation of Treyjikistan, since the DICKs were not yet pleased and demanded their ration of Samoas or their posts would continue to be unmanned. To celebrate the victory, Treyjikistani forces held a large craft beer festival and honored the 1 millionth casualty by loading a hovercraft full of eels, launching it into the ocean, and then burying the soldier in the aforementioned tomb. Analysts are uncertain what the hovercraft full of eels had to do with the situation. As soon as that war ended, however, another would creep up on the horizon. Only a day passed between conflicts, this time when the New Sith Order nation of Joffre the II was passed down as a target for destruction. Joffre the II was apparently not aware that a war was going on for the first two days, and the nation sat inactive for about 48 hours while Treyjikistani forces invaded, left, re-invaded with more pack horses to carry the loot, left, and then set up a small coffee shop on the border where the waitstaff was all topless, which was a clear violation of the health codes of Joffre the II. This looting and barista-ing continued into the second week of the BiPolar war. Week 2 The second week of the BiPolar war began with the sudden awakening of the forces in Joffre the II, presumably due to the short-sighted strategy of selling coffee to the defenders. Much like Opardum, Joffre the II's forces were incapable of establishing a beach head on Treyjikistan's shores. Strategists credit this defensive stand to the Treyjikistani Navy's crushing victories at the Battle of Port Joffre, in which the 59-ship strong Navy destroyed the standing navy of the enemy in two encounters. Joffrian forces were forced to attempt an invasion using Water Wings, which Treygreen13 said was "entertaining in the way that a sad clown is entertaining". The head of the Treyjikistani Navy was given a large cash reward for such a magnificent victory, which he used to purchase a nice hat and a novelty-sized bone. What wasn't entertaining, however, was the fact that Joffre still had access to nuclear weapons while the DICK contingent was on strike. Joffre launched 5 nuclear attacks, all of which landed successfully in spite of the nation's Strategic Defense Initiative. The first 4 of the nuclear strikes were celebrated with great schadenfreude by the DICKs, until the 5th nuke hit Treyjikistan square in the DICK headquarters killing all of the striking operators in one fell swoop. Treygreen13 promised revenge, but was reportedly happy to hear about the demise of the DICK heads. Scabs were immediately hired, and were killed nearly instantly by the 6th nuke to hit Treyjikistan, and a final round of immigrant workers were contracted to man the SDI in an emergency. They too were killed by a 7th nuke to hit Treyjikistan, marking the end of a week in which the Strategic Defense Initiative failed to block a single nuke, earning that week the title of "TSDI Remembrance Week". The failure to block a single nuclear attack in a one week period is the current record in Farkistan, and the term "TDSI" was briefly an acronym for failure in the alliance. Week 2 ended with a "bang", as one might be able to tell from the previous paragraphs. However, when the dust settled the nation of Joffre the II fared significantly worse than Treyjikistan, sustaining about 30,000 NS damage, or 63% of the nation's total NS. Treyjikistan suffered roughly 9,000 NS damage, about 15% of the nation's total NS. The national motto was once again briefly changed to "Now with 15% less Jikistan" to reflect the changes. The nation of Treyjikistan took a brief rest between the 6th and 9th to move the bodies out of the streets and scoop up the nuclear waste that just sort of hovers around when a nation gets nuked. Since the nation's SDI was still useless with nobody to fight, engineers loaded the anti-missile-missiles with nuclear waste and exploded them into the night sky, setting up a beautiful and deadly celebratory fireworks show to commemorate two weeks of crushing victories in the conflict. Week 3 After several weeks of rather disappointing war, Farkistan High Command passed down a priority target to Treyjikistan, hoping to knock the island nation down a few notches and keep Treygreen13 busy since it seemed to celebrate peace by spraying nuclear fallout into the stratosphere. Instead of churning out propaganda posters, the government of Treyjikistan would be churning out soldiers, missiles, and tanks. In spite of being one of the largest nations in Farkistan out of nuclear anarchy, Treyjikistan was still dwarfed by the nation of Positively 4th Street. After war was declared, an eerie silence fell over the battlefield. Treyjikistani tanks rolled over the nation of Positively 4th Street and encountered zero resistance. Special Forces operatives reported that the missile silos were empty, the tank factories were gathering dust, and the enemy barracks were barren. It was a very strange feeling for the foot soldiers to ride through what appeared to be a prosperous city and encounter absolutely zero resistance. A voice came over the radio. It was Goose, head of the Commonwealth of Sovereign Nations. "He's got about a billion dollars in war funds. Tons more capacity to fight. Apparently lost the will. We haven't heard anything out of them for 5 days. Not even a cruise missile. Weird, man. Weird. Over." Treygreen13 waited a moment before stepping out of his bulletproof pope-esque enclosure to address the troops who had gathered to assault the ghost town. He delivered his speech in front of a Feminine Hygiene Outlet Store named Cervix Merchandise. "Gentlemen, I know you came here today for a fight. We all did. Well, except for me... I came here to watch a fight from inside my bulletproof enclosure. Why didn't I just make thousands of bulletproof enclosures for you all? That would be too expensive. Anyway, this is pretty lame. What do you say we find another random jerk and wreck his nation?" The soldiers all cheered. Treygreen13 cheered. Several of the cavalry units relieved themselves in the street. They all mounted up and marched on, straight into the nation of Vancouverville, which was close enough that they probably didn't have to mount up but it was in that gray area where you can't decide if you should drive or not, so you just drive so you don't have to walk back later if you're really tired. Treyjikistani forces found things to be quite a bit different in Vancouverville... namely that the nation was much colder and more interested in fighting. The military of Vancouverville had been busy shellacking two nations, one from =Lost= and one from Greenland Republic. The first day of fighting was particularly violent for Spiff's forces, suffering considerable losses as the 1st Armored TSF established a beach head after two successful ground attacks. The beach head was dangerously close to the Port of Vancouverville, and if the defending nation could not regain the ground, their naval forces would be lost. After a few days of fighting, nearly all military forces were committed to Vancouverville, who had turned out to be a more capable opponent than Positively 4th Street, who simply refused to do anything at all other than watch Treyjikistani forces demolish a few buildings a day. A small contingent (consisting of convicted arsonists with matches and 9 year olds with a case of Jolt Cola and C4) was left behind to deal with the silent nation's infrastructure while the Navy and TSF focused on Vancouverville. Over 7 days of fighting, TSF forces won 13 out of 14 offensive ground engagements (one win being an underdog raid), 10 out of 14 defensive ground engagements, 9 out of 12 offensive aircraft sorties, and 10 out of 10 defensive aircraft sorties. Naval Operations were a draw until the 3rd day, when Vancouverville's port was taken in a twilight raid, stopping the production of naval vessels that ultimately ended in the destruction of the entire enemy navy on Day 6. Another port was opened on Day 7, but it was quickly taken and the 6 supporting ships guarding it were once again destroyed. The Battle of Port Vancouverville took over for "most successful naval battle", with the mighty bejeweled navy destroying 11 ships in a single evening with no losses. Spies also played a critical role in the Vancouverville/Treyjikistan conflict. Treyjikstani spies were able to change Vancouverville's Threat Level to "Low" in the early days of the week. This greatly helped spy efforts to destroy enemy nukes, change Defcon at will, and generally hamper enemy counter-spy efforts. The most common spy attack between the two nations was "Destroy Money", with a success rate of 90% for Treyjikistan and 35.7% for Vancouverville. Friendly spies were able to destroy 4 nukes of Vancouverville, and 4 nukes from Positively 4th Street. Treygreen13 hired replacement SDI operators, who blocked 5 out of 11 incoming nukes from Vancouverville on their way back to a somewhat respectable ratio... although still far below the advertised 60% number. Treyjikistan was nuked 6 times in the week, and hit enemy nations with nukes 10 times. Week 4 and Aftermath After 7 days of conflict, Treyjikistani forces took another small break to recover, collect taxes, and celebrate the ruler's birthday, which was forgotten due to the fact that everyone was rolling around in nuclear waste. The brief respite from the war was welcome by the populace, however there would be one more battle before the end of the Short Bus War. Word came down from Farkistan command that there was a priority target to engage before escaping to Peace Mode. This target would turn out to be Wutopia, Treyjikistan's most entertaining enemy from the Karma War. Unfortunately, Wutopian forces had been engaged for weeks and were so depleted that the spirited combat from days of old were nowhere to be found. Instead, Treyjikistani forces were engaged in what was essentially a police action after the first day. Some university students began protesting in response to the police action, but were killed in a nuclear explosion. It was the only one fired by Wutopia during the conflict, and the 20th nuke to hit Treyjikistani soil since the country's inception. It was reported that Treygreen13 sent a very polite Thank You letter to Wumasterx for dealing with the "dirty hippies". When the Short Bus war came to a close, Treygreen13 was able to finally survey the devastation from his private jet. He flew over the hardest hit areas, tossing dollar bills out the windows and laughing maniacally while drinking moderately priced champagne. His advisors informed him that Treyjikistan had lost about 10% of its military strength, but that the country had (overall) fared far better than nations on either side of the conflict. Some military advisors warned Treygreen13 that the relatively low level of destruction would make the nation a future target for much larger nations, but Treygreen13 waved that paranoia off by throwing one of the military advisors out of the plane with a very expensive bottle of champagne. The Carpetbagger War The forces of NEW began to - In a world where fractured allies were open game for the forces of evil... A new hero would rise... In Cybernations, you have to fight to survive... Starring Treyjikistan and Rep Indonesia... The Beatdown of a Lifetime - Rated R I'm sorry, I don't know where that came from. The war with NEW was a long and - You loved the Beatdown of a Lifetime, but this time everything is different... ''' '''In a world where cowards were fleeing from glorious battle... One nation must stand united... To punish the transgressions of the weak Starring Treyjikistan and Endrigoth in the Sequel to Beatdown of a Lifetime Coming to theatres near you, "A Coward Dies 1000 Deaths" Rated G ''' Military Treyjikistan continues to grow, maintaining a full nuclear arsenal and a large standing navy, at least compared to some of the smaller nations and a random sampling of Daycare Facilities and Nurseries. Nuclear Arsenal The nation of Treyjikistan has names for every individual nuclear weapon ever fired by the military. The list used to be contained in this section, however the list became too long to store here and was moved to the Treyjikistani Library, which has closed that exhibit to the public. You can rest assured that the names are hilarious. * Note, there is an emergency nuclear weapon that may be used in times of desperation. For more information about the last resort nuclear weapon, read on to the "Leadership" section. Navy When the issue of a navy was brought up, money was immediately allocated to the development of a fleet of warships in order to defend merchants, fishermen, white-water ocean rafters, tubers, and eventually the moon from attack. Construction began right away with the most abundant resource available... lead. This turned out to be a poor decision, as lead was much too heavy and all the boats sank as soon as they were placed in dock. Several docks were also lost. The citizens of Treyjikistan did not respond favorably to seeing the navy sink, and encouraged Treygreen13 to reconsider using one of the heaviest known materials to produce seaworthy boats. After some debate, production of naval vessels was switched to the only other abundant resource, gems. This proved to be much more successful, and a fleet of 57 gem-studded ships was assembled with the help of a giant super-industrial strength Bedazzler. The navy was listed among the top 10 most shiny navies in all of Planet Bob, in the top 5 most expensive navies, and the top 3 in least durable navies. To compensate for the lack of durability, Titanium from the Moon Mine was brought back to Planet Bob to reinforce the hulls of Treyjikistani ships, and since that improvement the Navy is undefeated in open water conflicts. The navy of Treyjikistan is usually engaged in combating pirates. These pirates are tireless in their pursuit to steal the most valuable thing in Treyjikistan - the gem-studded navy. However, during times of military conflict it is involved in traditional naval attacks on enemy nations. The current record for the Treyjikistani Navy is 11 ships killed in a single evening with no losses at the Battle of Port Vancouverville. Air Force The Treyjikistan Air Force was the first element of the Treyjikistan Military to be formally commissioned. Initially, it consisted of a small fleet of kites wired with plastic explosives and a large zeppelin spray-painted to look like a cloud. Today, it consists of 102 F-22 Raptors Fighter Jets and 3 Tupolev Tu-160 Bombers. Flying the F-22 Raptor is a terrific thrill for many of the citizens of Treyjikistan, so in keeping with the "government by poll" mantra every time a sortie is necessary, a random poll is taken and whoever is voted to fly is given the keys. Fortunately, the citizens of Treyjikistan vote fairly intelligently when it comes to who should operate what essentially amounts to a flying bomb at Mach 2.42 in the skies over the country, and the most qualified pilots are usually behind the stick. However, there have been a few occasions where a minor celebrity drums up enough votes to sneak into the fighting, or becomes so wildly unpopular that they are forced to operate aircraft in the hopes that they crash into a mountain. One such case was a cartoonist named Robert Sandifer who proposed that the national symbol of Treyjikistan be "Chemo Sabe: The Indian That Has Cancer". This was voted almost unanimously among the population as "the worst idea of all time", and the cartoonist was placed in the cockpit of a fighter jet that was eventually shot down in the War of the Coalition. Mr. Sandifer did, however, record 5 kills by steering the burning wreckage of his jet into advancing enemy troops. The dramatic moment of Robert Sandifer's death was later immortalized in the 2009 Treyjikistan War Film, That Cartoonist We All Hated. The TAF has reported mostly positive results. The Battle of Ibankist over the skies of Treyjikistan holds the distinction of being the TAF's greatest victory so far. In a daring twilight raid, 70 aircraft sent by the nation of the kingdom of bob launched with the intent to bomb Treygreen13's palace, but were soundly thrashed before the bombers were able to get into position. TAF forces collected 56 confirmed kills: 2 bombers and 54 fighters, which were scrapped and turned into a carousel. Infantry The army of Treyjikistan is divided into two sections. 1. The Irregulars, a fighting force composed of people who happen to be in whatever city is called up for duty. When it is time for a ground attack, everyone within 5 miles of a randomly chosen city center grabs a gun and helmet and runs off to blow something up. This prevents the nation of Treyjikistan from enacting a country-wide draft, which would be very unpopular. This is the main defensive army force for Treyjikistan, and is about as effective as it sounds. 2. Treyjikistani Special Forces, a special ops force composed of the most durable and successful soldiers from The Irregulars. This force is called upon to carry out the most dangerous missions... night raids against overwhelming forces. The most successful TSF combat event was The Battle of Wufoundland, in which TSF forces intended to only raid a heavily armed enemy base for supplies, but instead miraculously captured the installation. The commanding officer on the ground said, "I thought we only had about a 1/10 change to succeed in the raid. I never imagined we'd actually win!" The installation was converted to a barbecue restaurant that later closed due to the fact that it was in the middle of enemy territory and the barbecue wasn't very good. 2b. We are aware that this is technically a third section, but as you can see we've labeled this "2b" as to not interrupt the sensibilities of wiki-editors. There is a rarely-used but nonetheless important division of the Army of Treyjikistan dedicated to infrastructure destruction of inactive nations. This crack force consisting of violent criminals and hyperactive children is unleashed upon a nation not interested in defending itself to wreak as much havoc as possible. The official name of the group is "The C-Team". These soldiers are frozen in Carbonite during peace time to keep them from wreaking havoc on Treyjikistan. Government As mentioned earlier, Treyjikistan is a poll-driven indirect democracy. When a political issue arises, Treygreen13 sends out a series of polls through the national media, which he controls entirely. This ensures that the will of the people is done by gauging their interest in real time. However, this has lead to some controversy. Complications of Government by Poll Critics of Treyjikistan's government claim that government by poll, while successful so far, has been tainted by government meddling. For example, the poll to the left was recently sent out across Treyjikistan for voting. Some think that these questions are too ambiguous to represent the will of the people, but a poll coming soon should put that issue to rest. Many of the complaints about Government by Polling are quickly quieted by logic. When a citizen asks, "why did this happen" the answer is inevitably "I voted for it" and then they wonder "what was I thinking" and then they take a nap. Of course, giving the people this power has its flaws - government programs are sometimes enacted and repealed in the same day, and some industries live and die on the whims of the masses. Tax rates range wildly from one day to the next as taxes are lowered by popular demand and then raised by popular bankruptcy. At the time of publishing the military has been tasked with carving guns out of butter for some damned reason that even the people who voted for it cannot remember, but inevitably even this project will be scrapped. Leadership As it pertains to Treygreen13, very few people have actually seen him. His aides say that he is very private, and sits all day behind his desk, which was crafted around an activate nuclear weapon. He calls this desk Delta Alpha Silo Kilo, or D.A.S.K. Journalists assume that Treygreen13 is unaware that DASK does not spell "desk", however sources close to the leader claim that he simply does not know what "E" is in the military phonetic alphabet. They claim they have told him several times that the letter E is "Echo" but he always repeats it back to them and then makes a joke about echoes. His picture hangs in every post office in Treyjikistan, however the artist he hired to do the portrait used a kaleidoscope. When asked about the choice of a kaleidoscope artist for his portrait, Treygreen13 responded, "I really enjoy her work. It was liberating to pose nude." After some complaints that the Post Office featured a nude picture of a man, even if it was indistinguishable, Treygreen13 posed for another picture. This one was done by a Magic Eye artist, although instead of a photo of Treygreen13 it appears to conceal a coupon for $1.00 off an order of chicken wings, but the restaurant is not listed and all the portraits are bolted to the walls. Needed Present Day As of the most recent update, Treyjikistan is the 122nd largest nation in Farkistan, and 4,268th in all of Cybernations. Breaking the top 100 nations at its peak in Farkistan qualified Treyjikistan for a small trophy that was misplaced soon after it was awarded. If you have any information on the whereabouts of the trophy, please contact Treygreen13. It was last seen in his office, but it might have fallen under some papers or something... and he hates it when Farkistan calls and they're all like, "Do you like your trophy?!" and he's like "Yeah, I love it" and they're all like "Are you looking at it right now?" and he's all like "Umm, yeah, totally..." and then he pretends he has another call to take... but he knows one day they're just going to DROP IN and be like "Where's that trophy man?!" and he'll be totally screwed, because it's like a big symbol of pride for the alliance, and he really likes the alliance, but not as much as he hates cleaning his office just to find trophies. The National Anthem The national anthem of Treyjikistan is "Anthem for the gods, parts 1-19", a 3,789 verse monstrosity that Treygreen13 wrote on the back of 3 million cocktail napkins when on a cocaine binge. Nobody in Treyjikistan can recite the anthem from memory. Some argue that an anthem with 5,645,834,761 words is much too long. Others argue that the 17 minute, Galaga-themed guitar solo simply adds too many levels of complexity to a song that already takes several days to sing. One particularly moving section of the anthem goes as following: (Key of G) "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH MMMMMMM WACKA WACKA SPLENDIFEROUS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOUGAT OH GOD I'M OUT OF COCAINE (ladies echo OUT OF COCAINE) Bawitdaba" This is followed by 1 measure of rest, and then enters into the aforementioned guitar solo. *Note: On Sundays in Treyjikistan, it is illegal to utter words that sound like letters. This law is called "Luke's Law" after someone declared it in a drinking game and forgot to cancel it when the game ended. This makes the anthem impossible to sing, so the anthem is not sung on Sundays. On the occasion the singing of the anthem rolls over into Sunday, singers are encouraged to replace all outlawed words with the phrase "moist". *Subnote: Treyjikistan is currently fighting a lawsuit from several authors, claiming that large portions of the anthem are songs or simply paragraphs that were apparently playing or were spoken at the same time Treygreen13 was writing the anthem. He may have trouble proving that the anthem is original, and that the 72 consecutive non-melodic paragraphs that appear to be text directly from the game Zork are, in fact, original and relevant to Treyjikistan in some way. If he is unable to prove ownership of those elements of the song, parts 4 (called "EATEN BY A GRUE") and 11 (called "Dude Looks Like A Lady") may have to be removed from the anthem. Imaginary Animal Zoo Treyjikistan lays claim to the only imaginary animal zoo in Cybernations. New exhibits are added bi-monthly. The most famous animal in the zoo is the Paradoxasaur, the dinosaur that only exists if you don't believe in it. The least famous animal in the zoo was the DogCatRat, which critics claimed was simply a dog with a cat riding it, who was in turn being ridden by a rat. In the Karma War DogCatRat was literally fused into a single being in a nuclear blast, and the name was changed to "Drogat" but the popularity of that exhibit did not increase. When asked about the criticism, Treygreen13 said "Philistines". Then he said, "Wait, I used that right, didn't I?" The zoo isn't very popular due to the fact that nobody can ever see the most loved exhibit. Anyone who believes that the Paradoxasaur exists is unable to see it, and anyone who doesn't believe in the Paradoxasaur refuses to believe that they saw it. Most of the visitors end up watching the Mershaq (half mermaid, half Shaquille O'Neal) play with a basketball. The zoo closed briefly for the Karma War. It was originally slated to open 3 weeks after the conflict started with an all new lineup due to mutation. However, due to the extended nature of the conflict, the zoo was re-opened for a limited exhibit on the effects of nuclear waste on bobworms. Through this exhibit, hundreds of children in bunker #7 were educated about super-regeneration of bobworm segments during nuclear war. Drogat was also on display but nobody went to see it drink it's milkcheesebone. Sister Nation Treyjikistan doesn't have a sister nation, because it was an orphan, so don't bring it up ok? It is very sensitive about that sort of thing, and didn't even find out about it until the whole "Sister Nation" thing came up, so it is pretty fresh on its mind. Farkistan Squirrels Treyjikstan was home to the Farkistan Squirrels, the professional football team of Farkistan. The Stadium, Abe Vigoda Memorial Stadium is pictured here in the middle of downtown Hoang Kong. Treygreen13 was the original founder of the team and head coach for 3 seasons before resigning in shame due to criticism for his inappropriate and financially unsustainable promotions. Some examples: "Chris Hansen Bobble-Head Night" - While creative, citizens felt it was inappropriate to profit off the notoriety of child molesters, and refused to "Have a seat over here, in the Squirrels Stadium". "Half Penny Beer Season" - While popular, this promotion was simply impossible to continue for the intended duration. Accountants for the Squirrels, when asked about the promotion, said, "Look, we couldn't make this work financially even if we brought the entire population of Planet Bob in to watch the game. There just isn't enough beer on the planet, and there is no such thing as a "half-penny". In spite of mismanagement on the financial and marketing sides, the Farkistan Squirrels experienced success over their 8 seasons as a team. Their record was as follows, until disbandment after 8 seasons: Season 1: 19-1 Season 2: 13-7 Season 3: 12-10 Season 4: 14-9 Season 5: 15-9 Season 6: 17-8 Season 7: 18-7 Season 8: 12-14 Wonders Treyjikistan has developed the following wonders: '''Central Intelligence Agency An orphanage *Note to self, change this to something more believable later so nobody figures out about the CIA, because it is a secret! Disaster Relief Agency - The DRA was built immediately after a difficult summer when Treyjikistan suffered 2 droughts and a flood at the same time. Meteorologists were baffled at the possibility of suffering two droughts at the same time, let alone two droughts at the same time a flood was occuring. Great Monument - The Great Monument to Treygreen13 is actually a large statue of a blender, which is always filled with frozen margaritas. It is very popular in the summer. Great Temple - Treyjikistan's official religion is none, so the Great Temple has been converted to a shopping mall with a Starbucks and several different stores that sell T-Shirts and things like that. Internet - Apparently, The Internet is a large building, rather than a series of tubes. Citizens love to go to the Internet, log on, and take care of whatever Serious Business comes up. Manhattan Project - This is where nuclear bombs come from. So far, 68 nuclear weapons have been created in this building. It is not a popular tourist destination because anyone who visits unannounced is shot on site, which can be a real downer for a picnic. National Research Lab - Still no cure for cancer. We'll need more time. Pentagon - Treyjikistan's least popular wonder, because nobody can remember which side the door is on. Social Security System - Once popular, this wonder has recently come under scrutiny for being almost exactly the opposite of what the citizens intended. They were told that it would allow the citizenry to retire at some point, but instead it has only been used to raise taxes by 2%. Not surprisingly, some people have a problem with this. Stock Market - The Stock Market of Treyjikistan is unique because traders deal exclusively with Index Index Index Funds, which are a collection of stocks that represent another collections of stocks in stock markets across Planet Bob. Since they are essentially investing in everything simultaneously, volatility is low. Strategic Defense Initiative - During peace, the SDI is used for for two purposes; awesome firework shows and launching rubble-dust into space. However, during times of war this is used to shoot down enemy nuclear weapons. The first enemy nuclear missile destroyed by the Strategic Defense Initiative was fired by the kingdom of bob on April 28, 2009. The record for most consecutive SDI misfires is 7, set during the TOP-C&G War. Treygreen13 has attempted to return the SDI to exchange it for a new one, but was given a new copy of the game Missile Command to train his SDI operators. It does not appear to have helped, as the SDI appears to be trending to be nearly half as effective as advertised. Current SDI efficiency: 37.5% (12/32) Foreign Air Force Base - The FAFB was constructed during the Karma War in response to much larger enemy aircraft forces. This allows for additional fighters to support or defend Treyjikistan in air missions. Since the aircraft in the foreign base are always available regardless of distance or time, Treyjikistani scientists believe the base is located somewhere in the sky, or perhaps in the exact center of the universe. Agriculture Development Program - The ADP was constructed immediately after the Karma War in order to jumpstart the recovery progress. The clearing of land for agriculture enabled the Treyjikistani government to plop down several new barracks and a Drydock, which citizens complained "Wasn't really what we had in mind when you said Agriculture". National War Memorial - To celebrate the nearly 1 million dead in the nation, the government of Treyjikistan commissioned an artist to create a monument to the fallen. However, the artist produced a decidedly anti-war message with the monument, which features a Treyjikstani soldier stabbing a baby in the neck with an oversized bayonet. The statue was so unpopular with the population that it was launched into space, where it maintains a low orbit around Planet Bob. Anti-Air Defense Network - The AADN was constructed in preparation for enforcing possible surrender term violations from the Karma War, however those violations never materialized. Several hours of explanation and a helpful graph finally convinced Treygreen13 that the network of anti-aircraft missiles and flak guns were technically an "Air Defense Network", and not some sort of network that would defend against other Air Defense Networks. The contractors were sure to be clear from that point on. Great University - The Great University is situated right next to The Internet, allowing citizens interested in obtaining higher education to take online courses from a variety of coffee shops around the nation. This promotion was entitled, "Obtain 180 degrees in just 5 minutes", and was very popular until the citizens figured out that they were referring to the coffee temperature. Weapons Research Complex - After significant research, it was discovered that Treyjikistan has weapons, as do his neighbors. Fallout Shelter System - Many pundits were critical of the installation of the Fallout Shelter System, stating that there would be more efficient uses of the nation's funds. All the critics died in the next nuclear attack, and arose as shambling radioactive corpses. Space Program - The Space Program was built to develop a ship that could counter-attack any aliens that might choose to invade the sovereign territory of Treyjikistan. So far no aliens have attempted to attack... that we know of. In case they are reading, ύЖɞɗ ɢГБʂŋʎ ʘ ʘ ǁǁǂЛʙʊəʌʷюЭжЖж ґґґґδ Movie Industry - Treyjikistani film makers are particularly bad at their jobs. The public demands a constant stream of inflammatory documentary-style expose film... and to keep up the film makers have begun to invent problems and people to document. One such documentary entitled "Screwed" is about how Phillips-Head screwdrivers are a government-sponsored conspiracy with the intent to inconvenience minorities in the inner cities. It received critical acclaim and was widely talked about as the Film of the Year, however actual attendance was low. Treyjikiwood insiders believe that the low ticket sales were due to the fact that the film was almost entirely about screwdrivers. Mining Industry Consortium - After the Short Bus war, there was some debate on whether or not Treyjikistan should develop another wonder or rebuild the smoking ruins of the downtown area. A coin was flipped, which landed on heads and the Mining Industry Consortium was built. Fortunately for Treyjikistan, the government gained possession of several thousand miles of land from the war, and it was a trivial effort to convert the homes and farms of their original occupants into a hellish industrial landscape billowing smoke into the atmosphere. Thankfully, investing in the mining industry allowed Treyjikistan to use the smoking rubble from the downtown area buildings as a training site for the civilians who would now be mining coal for the rest of their short lives. Moon Mine - The Treyjikistani Moon Mine produces the finest Titanium on the moon. Military advisors were able to retrofit the Treyjikistani Navy with Titanium from this mine, and since the retrofitting the Navy has lost zero ships and is undefeated in Naval Battles. Moon Base - DA MOON RULES Moon Colony - Thousands of Treyjikistanis volunteered to populate the Moon Colony, knowing that the only success the TAF had had so far with space was launching rubble into it. These brave adventurers live on the Moon and do nothing for months at a time. Category:Good Nation Pages